He Can't Swallow Pills

It is really quite amusing and even a little sad, yet it still infuriates me that Jacob can't swallow pills. In our adolescent years we all at some point graduate from the teaspoons of dimetapp and robitussin and began using real medicine. Some of us switched gradually to chewables (those flintstones vitamins were delicious and addicting) or dissolveables but eventually swallowing pills became natural. Jacob, however, appears to be an exception.

Like a gazelle that never learned to run, a monkey that never learned to climb or a hooker who never learned to give a hand job, Jacob apparently failed to acquire a basic skill that would greatly enhance his ability to prolong his life span. Vitamins can no longer be taken to supplant his peculiar diet, medicine can't be utilized to ward off his numerous illnesses, and cocks can't be sucked to provide him with the necessary funds to bankroll his heroine addiction (I'll discuss his drug problems further in another post).

Instead of swallowing pills with ease, he will place it in his mouth, drink some water and proceed to gawk about like a mother bird regurgitating her food for her chicks. However, Jeremiah and I are not his chocks, we do not require him to provide us with food, and we certainly don't want him spitting up moist pills all over the kitchen table. This inability to swallows pills, vitamins, or penises is keeping Jacob undernourished, unhealthy, and poor respectively. I can only hope that he can find a way to adapt so that I don't have to hear him complain anymore.

Eating slowly update:
1/3 of Fried Fish Sandwich - 13 minutes

Dishes in sink update:
Earlier today Jacob smartly used a plate from the dishwasher that was dirty to capture the grease dripping from his George Foreman grill rather than using a clean one. However, upon finishing his meal I found that he had put two plates in the sink, including the one originally in the dishwasher! Not only is he continuing to put dishes in the sink, but now he is actively removing them from the dishwasher and putting them back in the sink. That mother***er!